I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
