I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
please don't ironically join a cult
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