I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
