I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
