if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
