Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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