I'm gonna have a badass scar
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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