I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
