fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
