I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so let's talk penis.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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