My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize