once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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