woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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