forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
