I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
