Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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