Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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