Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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