Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
