Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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