I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sober January is a disaster.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
