Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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