Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
