Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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