from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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