When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
