I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
