I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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