I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
