the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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