I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
