Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
