Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
