oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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