dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
