is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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