Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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