I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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