It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
