I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
