i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
