It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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