so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
ttyl tear gas
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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