..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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