the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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