Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
