You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
