Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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