I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
