I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
