are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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