ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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