I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
