im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
