i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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