what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
