Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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