Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
