There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
