she woke up with a sticky ear
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
