OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
