Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
