My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
