dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we're making bets on your personal life
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
