he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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