4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize