i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
