woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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